At War

I never really wanted to be a nurse growing up, it wasn't my calling, heck I really didn't even like blood and have been known to have "adverse reactions."  It was more so the direction I didn't want to go.  Career paths I often considered were: farmer, wildlife biologist, archeologist, bed and breakfast owner... you get the picture.  At some point though, you realize you have to find a path that can pay the bills, provide for your family, and make you feel like a somewhat productive human being.  So, why not choose something I wasn't exactly sure if I could stomach, and a fairly intensive course of study... Right???.  Cam's always telling me that I am not happy with myself unless pushing myself to some sort of personal limits.  I like to pretend I am totally capable of being a zen peaceful mother, but it's not always accurate.  The challenge of natural childbirth, school/work/family balance, running as far as I can; I may be one of those sick people that just loves to torture themselves just for the sake of the challenge. 

Wednesday I came home from class in an excited nervous stupor.  My instructor told me I was to observe a surgical procedure the following day, Thursday.  I immediately played the movie of me, in the operating room, either throwing up, or passing out, hitting my head on something, ending up as a humiliated nursing student in the ER (hopefully they would have decent popsicles).  I almost told them in advance NOT to call my husband, that I would gladly walk 10+ miles home while I recovered both physically and mentally. So I watched a few You Tube movies, freaked myself out, practiced blurring my eyes without it looking like I wasn't watching the gross parts, phoned a few people in the medical field, had a glass of wine and called it a night.  I'm not sure if I slept much, but I made it to the hospital in time, and managed to eat a little something.  I was already sweating and contemplating wearing a helmet???  I met up with my nurse, changed into OR scrubs, and headed in with a full on battle playing in my mind. They told me not to worry if I got woozy, but just to sit down, it happens to a lot of people, even the most experienced.  Sometimes though, you feel like your character is being tested, and no one wants to fail that exam. 

Initial anesthesia went well (needles I don't mind), and I was set up in full view of the procedure.  Incision, not so bad, I started relaxing knowing the surgical timeline in my mind, that really I could probably keep from falling over for how long it would take.  I'll spare you the gory details for both patient privacy and the fact you may be eating a fabulous snack while you read this.  Needless to say though, by the end of the surgery I was ready to jump right in.  It was AMAZING.  I couldn't believe how interested I was in inner body parts and what doctors could do to them.  The human body is really incredibly complex, but then at the same time it's totally logical and perfectly constructed to make sense.  I told Cam it's probably like working on a car, once you know what you are looking at, and how it functions is very apparent.  Anyway, I rocked it.  Totally conquered one of my biggest fears in life, and got the confidence boost that maybe my limits had just been stretched a bit farther. 

In modern day America, the average person has it pretty easy.  As a whole we don't fear for our safety, wonder where our next meals will come from, or spend the twilight hours sharpening our swords ready to defend someone's honor or beliefs.  We live in peaceful autopilot, rarely pushing the limits.  I mean don't you ever want to paint yourself with war paint, jump on a horse, yell really loud and go to battle??.  When do you ever get an opportunity to go balls to the wall.  Sports are about the only thing left where we can satisfy that inner warrior, and now everyone is supposed to win anyway, so where's the fun in that and how does that teach anyone to strive or push past their safety net?   We are fortunate, of course, that we don't have such things to worry about, but it leaves people unsatisfied and unwilling to act.  Tune into the discovery channel, people are now going to great lengths to try and reverse our technical evolution, to go back to basic survival and challenge.  I know Cam and I feel that desire often. 

Do I want my kids to experience a country wide depression, civil war, or the like? No... absolutely not.  But I want them to know the power they possess and have some fire under them.  I don't want fear to cripple their actions or expectations to limit their drive.  As a best parent, sometimes the best place to start is with yourself.   

Adaptation

On the way home today we were discussing how we hardly feel the cold around here anymore.  I generally wear a sweater when running errands or going to school, but the length of our outdoor adventures has greatly increased.  If the weather stays above 20 degrees we are good to go, with life progressing as usual.  We ride quads, play outside, go for walks all in weather that usually would have been cause for alarm.  I guess you could say we are adapting. 

There has been a lot of that along this journey.  First it was adapting to the change of lifestyle.  Being compressed into functioning out of a trailer forces quick mental and physical change.  It meant starting a generator before any power could be provided, walking 100 yards (downhill one way) to use the "facilities," and all the problems associated with these activities in 9 degree weather.  Then it was me transitioning to life outside of being mom and housewife and only part time employee.  It's been transitioning to having a village like support system, to being alone, 20 minutes on gravel, to a road that can't even be found on GPS.   It's Cam planning how to provide power, water, and living amenities on a BARE piece of land with our name on it.  I could write a book on all the challenges he has already faced. 

For years I have kept in my car a little note my dad wrote that says "Loop--Remember it's about the journey when you get to your destination."  Although I looked at it everyday for who knows how long, it's really sunk in lately.  One thing we always say is how busy we constantly are.  There is always something going on, and more often than not several somethings at a time.  Ever since we got married it has literally been non stop, kid, work, friends, family, school,  another kid, repeat, move.  How many times during a week do you think "wow, I am so busy where did the week go?"  You want to know why???  It's because we are living in auto pilot.  How often do you actually think about what you're doing?  It's more so zombie land... get up, feed kids, shower, go to do whatever it is you do, come home, eat, bed.  Repeat... Repeat.. Repeat...   We have all the amenities to make it easy, but our brains, and more so mindfulness are wasting away in repetition. 

I've been doing a little experiment lately, because my days are so packed.  I'm going from 5:30 to sometimes 1 in the morning.  Kids, school, studying, husband, and somewhere in between eat and use the indoor "facilities."  I've been trying to actually think about what I'm doing.... being in the moment if you will.  It's amazing what it will do to your day... I highly recommend trying it.  Turn off the auto pilot and just pay attention to what you are doing, the people around you, and the task at hand.  Just an idea....

School is back in full swing.  I can't believe how much we have to read.  I'll be starting in the local hospital this Thursday working both Med/Surg and OB.  Very exciting.  It's a different world over here, the whole hospital is about the size of the floor I used to work on. You need to be knowledgeable in many different areas, which is scary now, but something to look forward to in the future.

We took the kids up to Osoyoos, across the border last night for a little get away.  Got a hotel, swam, and went out to eat.  It was a nice little break from studying and got us out of the mountains for a bit.  Exploring new places is one of our favorite things to do with whatever spare time we can focus in on.  Back at home now and spent the day messing around outside.  Cam set up a 300 yard target for his guns, and I worked on shooting my bow, then some snow time with the kids. 

We are certainly getting in a routine around here, but it still feels new and exciting.


"An Arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that its going to launch you into something great.  So just focus, and keep aiming."


        

       

Here We Go Again

It's a quintessential Sunday around here.  The snow is piling up in perfect silence outside, we just came back in from sledding shenanigans, the fire is crackling, and all is calm on the Eastern Washington front.  And so has been the ebb and flow of life the last few days....

The snow began sometime this morning.  We have been waiting somewhat patiently!  As I've mentioned before El Nino has somewhat destroyed our hopes of getting snowed in (and using the snow mobiles), so we watch closely to the weather report when any snow is predicted.  After testing out a new coffee cake recipe (not super impressed) we bundled up and headed out for some extreme sledding behind the quad.  Cam pulled us up, down, and all around the property.  We recently bought an "otter sled," which is supposed to be the toughest sled out there... perfect for homestead activities: hauling wood, supplies, animals, kids, moms, etc.  I have to say it has probably already earned it's keep.  Kendyl has started to enjoy the snow a bit more than she did at first, but still is not a glove lover, so naturally hates that burning cold feeling that happens when she takes them off..Ouch


One of the most exciting property developments that has occurred this week was Rigg's discovery of a predator skull near our gravel pile behind the shop.  Cam came in and showed me the ripe smelling remains and we immediately went to work identifying it.  This is the website ( http://thieroutdoors.com/black-bear-vs-mountain-lion/) http://thieroutdoors.com/black-bear-vs-mountain-lion/ found that helped us determine that is was in fact a..............................................COUGAR!!!  Based on the teeth, shape size, eye sockets, we ruled out bear.  Talk about home schooling, what a better way to learn than by having something in your hands.  We hypothesized that maybe a bird dropped it, or possibly a coyote drug it there.  Our area definitely has bear, cougar, and bobcat, so we know they are around us.

We've hardly made a dent in our log pile, and finally we have gotten the kids interested in helping (child labor at it's finest)!  Like Cam says wood warms you more than once (splitting, stacking, moving, burning); so we have yet to be cold.







My days of freedom are coming to an end tomorrow when I start back to school in the morning.  I am feeling much more equipped for success this quarter, and although I know it's a challenge, at least I have some space and technology on my side.  We are already talking about spring and the chores we'd like to get accomplished.  I can smell the pine trees and sage already.

Resolution

The New Year is a powerful time.  I'm not a believer in waiting to make "resolutions" you don't plan on following through with, but I am a goal setter, and there's something about the beginning of a year that wipes your slate and fills you with a feeling of confidence to shape the days ahead of you.  To make a list and take joy in checking items off when you conquer your goals. It's also a time to reflect on the year that has passed.  For us, it was a busy one, full of change, challenge, and creation.  I'd like to think we are just getting started..... Cam came up with a good priority list for springtime homesteading: garden, chicken coop, and root cellar.  I am so looking forward to getting chickens again; eggs from the store just don't compare, and who doesn't like baby chicks!  A garden will be a bit of a learning curve around here, learning what grows well, how to manage the heat, and how to make water stretch as far as possible.  Possibly some fencing too, if my farm hand has time, but I'm trying to be patient and not push my luck! 

Christmas was magical for the kids this year... Santa was a hit to say the least, and the childhood awe that filled our little ones, filled our hearts.  Our favorite memory of this Christmas was after Bear came out to the living room to find that Santa had indeed visited our home, he went straight to the wood stove (not burning at the time), opened the door and looked right up the chimney; this little guy is sharp!  It was a quiet day on the home front, different from our usual travels around the county.  The kids and I did journey over the pass for a few days to make the rounds at home.  It was a busy few days, but nice to catch up with family.  Although it's not the most popular decision at times, I feel confident in our move, and confident that we will press forward.

While me and the kids were away socializing Cam was working hard as always.  By himself, over the course of a couple days he built stairs up to the loft and another room for the kiddos.  Despite his curses over the stairs, his finished product was brilliant as usual.  It may seem like a simple improvement, but this has provided us with one further step in the evolution process.... EASY BEDTIME FOR MOM!!!!!  Simple pleasures like being able to put Kendyl to bed and walk away, instead of sit in the trailer and make sure she goes to sleep and doesn't crawl out of her bunk.  Humans were equipped with brains and thumbs to make these improvements and prevent moms and dads from wacking themselves with a frying pan.  Just kidding folks... for the most part! They are still sharing a room, and Barrett's mattress is under the stairs in his very own "BEAR CAVE."  Part of being a homesteader is knowing when to set yourself up for success, even if it adds to Dad's work list.  

The weather has remained in the teens and low twenties, so honestly we haven't done all that much.  I got a run in the other day, and today we drove an hour or so North to visit some friends who just bought a gorgeous home on the Kettle River.  They too are enjoying the lifestyle change.  We rang in the New Year with our neighbors and as always enjoyed their company and stories of living off the grid with 5 kids!  My days of break are unfortunately coming to an end as I start school again Monday.  I'm looking forward to working in labor and delivery this quarter and know that I can make it through much smoother will all the creature comforts Cam has built.  Hopefully it will afford us a little more balance through the intensity of the program.  Focusing on the day is one of my goals, we are constantly busy;  just like in a survival situation if you think too far ahead, you forget to accomplish the fundamental tasks of the day.  There of course needs to be foresight, but there also needs to be sanity and simple joy (possibly even boredom).  Hopefully we can add that to our 2015 garden.