Wednesday I came home from class in an excited nervous stupor. My instructor told me I was to observe a surgical procedure the following day, Thursday. I immediately played the movie of me, in the operating room, either throwing up, or passing out, hitting my head on something, ending up as a humiliated nursing student in the ER (hopefully they would have decent popsicles). I almost told them in advance NOT to call my husband, that I would gladly walk 10+ miles home while I recovered both physically and mentally. So I watched a few You Tube movies, freaked myself out, practiced blurring my eyes without it looking like I wasn't watching the gross parts, phoned a few people in the medical field, had a glass of wine and called it a night. I'm not sure if I slept much, but I made it to the hospital in time, and managed to eat a little something. I was already sweating and contemplating wearing a helmet??? I met up with my nurse, changed into OR scrubs, and headed in with a full on battle playing in my mind. They told me not to worry if I got woozy, but just to sit down, it happens to a lot of people, even the most experienced. Sometimes though, you feel like your character is being tested, and no one wants to fail that exam.
Initial anesthesia went well (needles I don't mind), and I was set up in full view of the procedure. Incision, not so bad, I started relaxing knowing the surgical timeline in my mind, that really I could probably keep from falling over for how long it would take. I'll spare you the gory details for both patient privacy and the fact you may be eating a fabulous snack while you read this. Needless to say though, by the end of the surgery I was ready to jump right in. It was AMAZING. I couldn't believe how interested I was in inner body parts and what doctors could do to them. The human body is really incredibly complex, but then at the same time it's totally logical and perfectly constructed to make sense. I told Cam it's probably like working on a car, once you know what you are looking at, and how it functions is very apparent. Anyway, I rocked it. Totally conquered one of my biggest fears in life, and got the confidence boost that maybe my limits had just been stretched a bit farther.
In modern day America, the average person has it pretty easy. As a whole we don't fear for our safety, wonder where our next meals will come from, or spend the twilight hours sharpening our swords ready to defend someone's honor or beliefs. We live in peaceful autopilot, rarely pushing the limits. I mean don't you ever want to paint yourself with war paint, jump on a horse, yell really loud and go to battle??. When do you ever get an opportunity to go balls to the wall. Sports are about the only thing left where we can satisfy that inner warrior, and now everyone is supposed to win anyway, so where's the fun in that and how does that teach anyone to strive or push past their safety net? We are fortunate, of course, that we don't have such things to worry about, but it leaves people unsatisfied and unwilling to act. Tune into the discovery channel, people are now going to great lengths to try and reverse our technical evolution, to go back to basic survival and challenge. I know Cam and I feel that desire often.
Do I want my kids to experience a country wide depression, civil war, or the like? No... absolutely not. But I want them to know the power they possess and have some fire under them. I don't want fear to cripple their actions or expectations to limit their drive. As a best parent, sometimes the best place to start is with yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment